we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
