We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
