I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
