My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
