I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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