dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
