I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
