I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
