So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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