Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
