im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
