...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
