I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
