WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
