I only kidnapped one of them. chill
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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