I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
