I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
