He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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