I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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