we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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