i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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