If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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