Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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