Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
