are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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