I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
