its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
sex in a hospital.. check
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
