Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
