All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
