Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
