he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
