oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
