I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
