I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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