You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
