I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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