You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
do herpes really smell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
