I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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