You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
