they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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