Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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