11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
