Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
