If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need water and some morals
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
