I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
