I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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