you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
