i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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