I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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