I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
