I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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