we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
