Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
