The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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