I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
