Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can I color on your dick again?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
