people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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