I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
