I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
