left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
