My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
