I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
