Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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