someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
