I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
