SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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