Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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