It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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