just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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