you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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