i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The Olympian is in my bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
