I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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