I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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