In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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