You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize