I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
