I just gift wrapped bread.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
