Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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