If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
someone owes me an orgasm
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
