What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
